Reading Peanuts

A short time ago, I began to re-read the pile of Peanuts paperbacks which were originally my father’s.

The characters, and moments from the books, were a sort of code between Dad and me. Mostly it was just silly things – a gesture of Snoopy’s or a phrase of Linus’ that we both recognised, that was the perfect shorthand for whatever it was we felt at that moment.

But beneath that was the way the cartoons expressed a certain relationship to life. To read these books again after a matter of decades is like finding myself coming up behind my eight-year-old self, and re-reading them with her, over my own shoulder.

Only now do I even begin to suspect what it was I absorbed from those pages, from the mind of Charles M. Schulz.

* * *

The character of Charlie Brown, though created in 1950, is like an antidote to that noxious and oppressive optimism that infects aspects of modern life and corporate work life in particular. He perfectly captures a certain low-level depressiveness which – I’m going to take a punt here – you will detect in any number of moderately sensitive human beings, if you dig just a little.

There’s no doubt I recognised something in him – in a direct and intimate way – his shyness and insecurity, his predictable disasters, his catastrophic failures of confidence – counterbalanced by his ever-renewed hope, trust and effort, mingled with outright flights of fantasy. But: there was a steady thread holding these opposing trends in check – basic goodness and integrity, an essential steadiness of character.

Then there was that tendency to never quite feel at home in the world.

I see now that I intuited my father in this character, and in as much as I saw myself at that time as being like my father, I saw myself in Charlie Brown as well.

* * *

But if I consciously identified with a character, it was Linus van Pelt, Lucy’s little brother. Mainly it was his younger sibling status, as this was my status too. As he said, ‘So much in the world depends upon who gets born first’: an acknowledgement of power relations in place from the start.

Linus was quirky, smart, and had a leaning towards the spiritual. If I didn’t actually sit in a pumpkin patch once a year, waiting for the Great Pumpkin to appear and select my pumpkin patch as the most ‘sincere’, I could still relate to the sorts of yearnings that Linus felt.

Then again, I also, in a sense, ‘identified’ with Snoopy: another ‘weird little kid’. Or perhaps it’s just that I loved him: his imaginings – World War I flying ace, hockey player, author, ferocious mountain lion, penguin impersonator – and his little house, with its endless interior spaces and possibilities – his Van Gogh (lost in a fire) and his Andrew Wyeth – his stereo, pool table and cedar closet. His front door was always open. Somehow, I wanted a life like that.

* * *

I didn’t, though, identify with any of the female characters. Or if I did, it was a complicated sort of identification that, in retrospect, seems to have involved more rejection than alignment.

I saw Lucy – a powerful figure – largely in terms of her big sister role and her charged relationships with others.

Other than Lucy, the other female characters represented mostly a certain kind of girl in whom I could have little interest: what girl really could? Violet, Patty, Sally, Frieda – all more peripheral characters – were inclined towards unkindness and vanity, gossip and unconsidered opinion. As people, they seemed inconsequential.

Two characters introduced later in the series, Peppermint Patty and Marcie, seemed to reverse this picture. Peppermint Patty was confident, blunt, assertive, generous, and managed a baseball team. Marcie, her friend, was intelligent, bookish, kind, truthful, and given to calling Peppermint Patty ‘Sir’.

Their presence suggests that Schulz was not only conscious of the situation of women, but anxious to show real, modern females. Still, their role in Peanuts is contrast; they are there for their foibles, their particularities. It says a lot that Schulz noticed and took care to depict such characters, but they have limited appeal, or at least they did for me.

So then the question is, just how does this identifying business work, if I could find so little to identify with in the female characters of Peanuts?

Was it to do with merely identifying myself, as did presumably Charles M. Schulz, with the main protagonists – with Lucy representing an antagonist?

Did it work any differently because I came to these characters as a child rather than as an adult? That is, at this time in my life, was I as likely to identify with males as with females?

It makes me think of a conversation I had with a friend in my teens. How as we’d got older we’d looked to the accomplishments of Mozart, measuring ourselves against his life, seeing ourselves as somehow failing as we’d aged past certain of his milestones – first composition at five years old, first symphony at eight, etc.

It sounds ludicrous in retrospect since certainly neither she nor I were geniuses – but early on in our lives we felt distinguished enough by our ‘potential’ that this actually made a sort of sense. Maleness/femaleness was irrelevant to this idea, or seemed so.

I likewise regarded Leonardo da Vinci – the prototypical ‘Renaissance man’ – as a model of what might be possible in life. Brilliance in both art and science! Was it hubris? Was I praised too much? Or is that just how it works for children in a certain environment … who latch on, imaginatively, to the most exalted human being they know of, without questioning …

Was there an element in the identifying process of actually rejecting the female – or rather, the portrayal of the feminine – in Peanuts, not only because it was less central but because aspects of it were on some level sheer poison: manipulative; gossipy; trivial; uncaring if not cruel; intellectually, spiritually and philosophically disengaged?

The concerns of the males seemed universal; the concerns of the females, solely female. Even Charlie Brown’s obsession with baseball spoke to the deeper obsessions and inadequacies of all, despite its distinctly male qualities.

I write this, but I don’t really understand it …

* * *

Thinking this does not diminish the powerful, empathetic pull of the characters I have loved for so long. Only now, I can look at it and recognise how less-than-ideal Peanuts often is as a representation of females and the feminine.

I can’t know what Schulz had in mind, but I don’t believe he meant to diminish women; only to express what it is to be human.

Though the girl characters may be a little out of date, it is still possible to spot their mode of interaction in gaggles of girls and women today. (Though of course it is, and has always been, only a small part of the expression of femininity.)

As for Lucy: it seems to be, if anything, not so much depicting her as dreadfully, horrifyingly female as highlighting with painful sensitivity her plight as a human being. Knowing especially that she loves to build and to create, but is compelled to pull her creations to bits again. Understanding that she wants more than anything to be loved and honoured, but is doomed to forever sabotage her own efforts towards this. What part of Schulz’s life, of his psyche, did this emerge from, I wonder?

I discovered this in The Female Eunuch, in the chapter ‘Resentment’:

A far better account of the miserable destructiveness of womankind is made by Charles M. Schultz [sic] in his characterization of Lucy van Pelt in the brilliant saga of Peanuts. Lucy’s constant nagging anxiety, her imperviousness to all suffering but her own, her ruthless aggravation of Charlie Brown’s inadequacy fears, her self-righteousness, her jealousy of Linus’s blanket, her utter incomprehension of Schroeder’s music together with her grotesque attempts to vamp him, her crabbiness, her fuss-budgetry, the diabolical intensity of her housekeeping, her inability to smile except maliciously, her effect on Charlie Brown’s ill-fated baseball team, it’s all there and any woman who cannot recognize, however dimly, her own image in that unhappy little face, has not yet understood the gravity of her situation …

It was written in the late 60s, and – whether or not you agree with this account of the general situation of women in those days – things have certainly changed since then.

Nevertheless, even if you (if a woman) do not see yourself, as Germaine Greer suggests, in Lucy’s ‘unhappy little face’ – have you not known a woman – if not perpetually like this – at least recognisably inclined to enter this mode of suppressed rage, of inarticulate repression, from time to time?

Yet Lucy is the one with the greatest apparent power, strength and capacity at this moment in time that Schulz has depicted in something like 18,000 cartoon strips, through her voice, her physical strength, her knowledge of how to immediately get what she wants. Only Snoopy seems able to truly stand up to her – illustrated, for example, by a two-hour arm-wrestling match between them which Snoopy breaks by kissing her on the nose – and this is not through the expression of masculine qualities (despite his hero fantasies), but because he represents creative potential.

Lucy exists in a world where her power, strength and capacity are doomed to be frustrated – her ideas about how she might be satisfied (through marriage to Schroeder, largely) already compromised by her requirement to acquire her needs through others, rather than directly through her own efforts.

* * *

It wasn’t until I went to university at an all-women’s college that I was immersed in a world of positive and conscious identification with the female, both in life and in literature – as opposed to merely being exposed to it. Is that even comprehensible?

It seems late – too late, perhaps. But too late for what?

One thing I do know is that I always felt human – fully human. (Whatever that means!) But I was going to have occasion to re-evaluate that idea about myself down the track.

I might have seen myself as ‘human’ before I was ‘female’, but something important was missing.

I now think, for a woman to have a peaceful relationship with her femininity, her felt experience cannot be one of continually seeing the female diminished, outshone, trivialised.

She must conceive of herself as neither satellite nor antagonist to the universal protagonist, but as protagonist herself.

I imagine what that would be like: knowing only a reality of femaleness and maleness balanced – equally privileged to thrive and to be expressed, and to be the expression of what we are.

We’re getting closer to that all the time, of course. We are.

© From the desk of a tiny person 2015

The line starts here

I’m at Hobart airport, lining up at gate 4 (Jetstar) to board a flight back to Melbourne. I am the first person in the right-hand queue. We haven’t actually started boarding yet. After a few minutes, something makes me turn around to look at what’s going on behind me. I discover that I am alone in my own line: no one has lined up behind me. The other line stretches out of sight around a food island.

Does no one else realise that there is a boarding pass scanner on the right as well as on the left, and that when boarding passengers, the airline staff always operate both at once? Or does everyone who has lined up behind the first person in the left-hand queue think I am with someone, and not standing in line, as it were, on my own behalf? Or what, exactly? Why would people line up behind the person to my left, and not line up behind me? People usually form two lines at this gate. I can see no external clues to help me answer this mystery. There was no announcement, that I heard, directing us to line up on the left. Is the answer, therefore, something to do with me?

Here are a few ideas that enter my head.

I’m small.

I’m wearing a backpack.

I’m female.

I’m ­­_? (Other?)

I’m small.

Yes, I’m small, very small, teeny tiny Vietnamese lady small, so it is easy for strangers to think I’m younger than I am, especially at a glance, and especially if they are seeing me from behind. Beyond that first instant, people usually see and hear enough of me to rapidly add a few decades to their first estimate (I see the years clicking away in their eyes like a toy cash register), and to reassess how they should be interacting with me.

The people who’re in line, they haven’t seen my face. They might well think I’m standing there next to someone in the first line; that perhaps I’m someone’s child.

Still, it beats me why not one of them figures out they can form a second line themselves, behind me – and get on the plane sooner!

I’m wearing a backpack.

The wearing, by adults, of backpacks, like hoodies, can create distrust. In the case of the hoodie (sweatshirt with hood), the suspicion usually starts when the hood is worn over the head. Is the wearer hiding something? Deliberately, and rather irritatingly, trying to look ‘badass’? But even simply the wearing of casual clothes like hoodies and trackpants, especially by adults, can create unease in certain settings, such as shops and, yes, the airport, unless the clothing is clearly upmarket and in style.

Likewise, backpacks, unless they can clearly be linked to an undertaking like study or backpacking around the world – on second thoughts, often because they can be linked to such undertakings – create unease in a way that handbags, manbags, and pretty much all the other bags that people carry or roll on board with them, don’t. In reality, backpacks can’t be classified that easily, and hence they suggest … unpredictability.

In my case, I find a backpack is the best way to transport my laptop and personal and important papers. I like to leave my hands free, and find it more comfortable to have the weight on my back than on either side of my body.

The people in the left-hand line – do they see the backpack and think, without even realising they’re doing it – ‘Not sure how to read this person. Not sure what she’s up to’ – ?

I’m female.

An older female.

Been trampled on recently? I have.

It wasn’t serious. I was on a train, in a crowd, in the process of getting off. The young woman with the earphones, as far as it was possible to do to a person who was vertical, walked over me, right through my space, brushing hard against me as if I was not there. I’m pretty sure it was deliberate, that I had somehow got up her nose, but I can’t be sure.

I received this recently in a letter from a friend who lives in Massachusetts:

… I’ve reached the age where women become invisible in our American culture. It’s not just sexually invisible, it’s actually invisible. It’s really weird. People walk into me on the sidewalk, people cut me off with their grocery carts, with their cars. (I swear, I’m not making this up!)

My friend and I are the same age.

I know that suggesting that age could have anything to do with what happened at the airport seems to be completely counter to my idea that my small size makes many people, at first glance, mistake me for a child.

But could both things be happening? You look at me, for a moment you see child; you look at me again (something makes you look a bit more closely), you see greying hair and a few creases around the eyes, a sober expression, you see ageing woman. Perhaps there’s that weird feeling of having been tricked by appearances?

But that kind of experience could only happen to someone who is standing close to me, so this – being an older female – can’t be the explanation for why no one has lined up behind me.

I’m ­­_? (Other?)

But what if I were a really glamorous-looking female, or even just a normal-looking woman – that is, someone you could (you felt) categorise – a woman with two children – a woman with flowing, bright clothes who looked as though she ran her own retail business – an older woman standing beside a man who appeared to be her husband, and both retired –?

What do I look like to others? Do we ever know that? I don’t, I feel, quite fit into any particular category. And without a person accompanying me to tell you where I fit in a family or a partner relationship, without wearing clothing that clearly shouts out what I do or at least what I want you to believe that I do – without those sorts of signs, and without knowing me at all, you might see me either as an interesting enigma or as an unsettling riddle. If you were to give me any thought at all, that is.

Cred

Perhaps it’s something else, that relates to all of these, but isn’t precisely to do with any of them: something to do with authority.

Perhaps, at first glance, people feel I lack the authority that indicates ‘The line starts here’. I mean, if I were Idris Elba … there’s a physical presence if ever there was one … would there be no line on the right? People would have flocked to the right.

For most of us, seeing authority invested in the wrong person can be as offensive as it would be to see, say, our ordinary-looking next-door neighbours cast as the leads in the next big blockbuster romance. It would probably feel not just weird, but wrong. We might feel disgust and even contempt. (Imagine the sex! No, yikes, don’t imagine it!) Damn it, we don’t want to have to look at it. We won’t go to that movie. We won’t participate.

And by this I don’t mean that that wrong person necessarily has to look different in any way, although looks play their part – often quite a big part, as most of us have realised. It might simply be that we feel they are not deserving of, or not suited to, the authority invested in them. I feel this way about certain politicians.

My chagrin at encountering situations where I am not granted the authority I feel entitled to, in my person, based on my conception of my self worth and life experience, and the way I conduct myself, is very real. I’m not talking about job promotions here. I’m talking about day-to-day interactions. Being fully visible to others. Being listened to and taken seriously. That kind of authority. I expect to have it, and am really taken aback when I discover I don’t.

I think that’s why this experience at the airport has stuck with me, even though at the time I just raised my eyebrows and emitted a small puff of incredulity.

But of course, I make these kinds of mistakes, too; I judge and misjudge others in an instant. We all do. Giving every single person we encounter our time and most careful consideration is just not something any of us can do, unless we encounter very few people indeed.

Still – I would have lined up behind me. So that’s something.

© From the desk of a tiny person 2015